Father’s Day doesn’t receive the support that Mother’s Day receives. As I have observed this phenomenon, I have concluded that there are many reasons. There may be an assumption that mothers are loved more, or fathers loved less. I think the real answer lies in performance. I learned long ago in the military service that respect is “earned not commanded.” In the military, all enlisted men must salute commissioned officers. They must stand at attention when an officer comes into a room. This comes with the rank and the uniform of an officer. This is not respect. In the military it is know as “military courtesy.” You see, the Army, Air Force, Navy and Marines can require its men and women to observe “military courtesy,” but they cannot require them to respect the people in the uniforms. That must be earned.
It seems to me that many more mothers have “earned” the honor that is bestowed on them on Mother’s Day. That is why you cannot get a reservation at a restaurant. That is why children travel long distances, and the telephone lines are busy, flowers and cards are sold out. Mothers earn this honor because they are always there for their children – through thick and thin. No one has to command children – even non-biological children – to respect, or honor, or show courtesy to mothers. Often times, the gatherings include immediate and extended families. Fathers are different.
On Father’s Day, when my family takes me out to dinner, I get the chance to observe the other fathers being honored. They too are shown genuine respect and honor, because they have earned it. The scene almost always is a small quiet gathering, and includes the wife and children. There are just too few of those celebrations going on. Fathers can be away at war, or worse, they can be dead, imprisoned, or just absent. I suspect that there are fewer of these gatherings – especially among African American fathers – because we haven’t “earned” the honor that mothers have.
There is a trend in our communities to separate being a “father” from being in the position of honor – “the head of our families.” The honor has been removed, and replaced with a phenomenon called “Baby Daddy.” How do you honor fathers when there is more than one “baby daddy” in single-parent homes headed by Black women? Which family honors the “baby daddy” when there are more than one “baby mommas?” What we are becoming is a community of “baby’s daddies” and “baby’s mommas.” Our families are being destroyed -- and sadly, redefined out of existence.
I would like to take this time to salute those fathers who are committed to setting the example of a faithful husband to their wives, and dependable fathers to their children. They are the real honorees on this day, because it is true that strong families build strong communities. And families without a strong, faithful, and committed father – at home with his wife, through thick and thin – are weak families. Strong fathers are needed in the home to raise healthy boys and girls. Absentee fathers are not strong fathers. Live-in baby daddies, who are not married to mothers, are not strong fathers. Unfaithful fathers, with “baby mommas” all over town, are not strong fathers. Making child support payments on time does not make a strong father.
On this Father’s Day, I want to salute the real father’s in our community -- the faithful, committed fathers who have earned the respect of their wives, children and community members for being good role models for other fathers.
Happy Father’s Day!
