Page 2 of 2
If we’re going to address men who don’t pay and don’t show up, we
should also address the lifestyles and habits of the women who should
be equally prepared and responsible. For example, we should examine the rate of unpaid child support among non-custodial mothers.
According to the United States Census Bureau, non-custodial mothers failed to make child support payments 37% of the time, compared to 24% of the time for men.
And, while 70% of non-custodial fathers paid their child support obligations, only 57% of non-custodial mothers paid their assigned financial obligations.
Many of these are "Deadbeat Moms."
Let’s talk about who the so-called "Deadbeat Dads" are. There is no one simple catch-all description.
In some cases, men who father children abdicate all aspects of their responsibility.
In other cases, men pay the amount of child support proscribed by law and never participate in the lives of those children.
The men in both categories are Deadbeat Dads.
But, some men are paying child support and making every human effort to participate in their children’s lives, but are actually being prevented from seeing their children. Yet, they, too, are labeled "Deadbeat Dads."
In still other cases, some men care for their children daily, participating in the rearing of their offspring and are just unable to pay the legally mandated child support. Some are doing it well and some are even doing it without the mothers, but they get lumped into the Deadbeat Dad category as well.
However, it may surprise some of us who care that according to the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement, 70% of fathers who are in arrears on child support earn $10,000 a year or less. Fathers who earn above $40,000 a year account for less than 4% of the arrears.
And, also for those who care, many of those fathers still make contributions to their children’s lives, in the form of groceries, toys, diapers and baby furniture. Many non-custodial fathers actually share in the daily care of the child, which is perhaps more crucial than being assigned child support that may financially overwhelm them.
The problem is that once child support is assigned to men earning very little salary, absenteeism increases.
There is no accounting for a father’s contributions to the child if he is not paying the assigned child support. The question may be posed: "Why not pay child support instead of making purchases?" And the answer is simple: Primarily, the purchases may be less than the assigned child support and according to surveys, many fathers feel connected to their children when they are able to show up with items they have paid for.
Again, these purchases as well as any time spent with the child are completely discounted if the assigned child support is not paid.
The point is not to exonerate Deadbeat Fathers, but to examine all sides, because for far too long, society has pointed the finger of responsibility solely at men, leading to many of them being imprisoned and many of them otherwise falling out of society. Yet, at the end of the day, there are still children growing up without fathers and there are still single mothers on Welfare.
If we focus on getting more fathers involved in the lives of their children, as opposed to viewing them as cash machines, we will end up with more positive male role models in the lives of the women and children who need them.
At that point, there will be fewer instances of people asking "Who’s Your Daddy?"
Sadly, there is overwhelming focus on making men pay, as opposed to making sure that more fathers are present in the lives of children.
- Darryl James is an award-winning author and is now a filmmaker. His first mini-movie, Crack, was released in March of this year.
- James’ latest book, "Bridging The Black Gender Gap," is the basis of his lectures and seminars.
- Previous installments of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com. James can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
BLOG COMMENTS POWERED BY DISQUS
