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6. Speak to us in a language we can understand.
We don’t really know what a size 7/8 is—you got your gift in the right size because the saleslady was built like you. And, no, we don't know what the hell chartreuse is, nor do we care.
7. Trying to get men to decipher your shrouded desires is just not productive.
Contrary to what you tell each other, men don't always like mystery. Take the guesswork out of things. Just speak plainly, saying what you want and what you need. There are no valid lists of things that men should just "know" about women. You confuse us with those fake lists. If we love you, we just want to know what you want.
8. Stop pretending men are wrong for wanting what we want.
If you don't want the same things, or don't want to give them to us, say so and we can keep it moving. For example, if we want sex a lot, you may not be open to it, but it doesn't make us wrong. You don't have to smoke cigars, come to the golf course or watch all the games with us and we may choose to be with you over doing those things, but we're not wrong for liking them.
9. Don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to.
If you’ve gained weight and you know it, we know it too. If your hair looks silly, but you like it, roll with it and don't ask us, unless you want to hear what we think. Don't ask, don't tell--if you don't ask, we won't tell.
10. Pay attention to what you say and don’t be angry when we do the same.
Telling a man that you don’t want a relationship, for example, is a mistake if you really do want one after having sex with him. And, if you say that "nothing" is wrong, don’t be angry when a man acts like nothing is wrong.
So, there you have it. Men, forward or print this out and present to the women in your lives--especially the ones who keep sending you lists about understanding women. Add to it, if need be.
Women forward this to your girlfriends. Let them know that it was actually assembled by a man.
- Darryl James is an award-winning author and is now a filmmaker. His first mini-movie, Crack, was released in March of this year.
- James’ latest book, "Bridging The Black Gender Gap," is the basis of his lectures and seminars.
- Previous installments of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com. James can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
